I have the fortune to spend parts of this holiday season traveling. I have rendezvoused with several other Volunteers for Thanksgiving, and I plan to travel to other countries in Southeast Asia later this month with friends, too. This Christmas and New Year’s will be very different from any previous holiday season that I have experienced. I certainly am not worried about experiencing the holidays in such a drastically different way, but I would like to continue thinking about what I am grateful for, and to think about the people who continue to help and support me along my life journey. I want to keep one new person—a member of my host family—in my thoughts as I travel around this December. Soli, my eldest host sister, has a very unique story. This courageous and hardworking woman sets an excellent example of what a mother will do for her family, and I think it is worth passing along to all of you this holiday season. The story commences at the beginning of September. The weight of the story, however, is rather large; and so I decided to spend time reflecting these past few months before sharing it with you all. I thought that maybe it was best to keep this to myself. But at the end of the day, the relationships I forge during my service will undoubtedly be the most memorable part of my service. I find Soli’s story incredibly impactful, and it is sure to leave a lasting impression on my service. Even as I slowly write and edit Soli’s narrative, I am frustrated by my inadequate writing skills. I am worried that I do not have the ability to accurately relay her story; and ultimately, it will be difficult for you all to appreciate Soli’s determination. Please follow along with an open mind, and please reach out to me with any questions that need clarification. My host parents have five children: three boys and two girls. Soli is the second oldest. When I moved to permanent site, Soli lived in Tulungagung—a city close to my village—with her husband Rudi and their almost two-year-old daughter Khaila (pronounced “Kylah”). During the first couple months that I lived at permanent site, the three of them made frequent visits to the house to stay the night. Rudi works for my host dad at his brick factory, which is right next-door to the house. This made it easy for Soli and Rudi to visit during the week or weekends alike. I was always excited when they stayed at our house because they are great company. A few weeks after Ramadan (the beginning of July), the three of them were sitting on the front porch with my host parents when I came home from school. I was happy to see them. More people at the house means more interesting conversations at the dinner table and while sitting out front of the house at night. Several days passed, however, and the three of them did not return to their home in the city. After several weeks passed, and Soli and her family were still at the house, I assumed that they were here to stay. I figured they must have moved here, but it was hard to know for sure because I didn’t see any of their possessions come to the house with them. Everything they brought to the house was in the bedroom that the three of them shared. The house was filled with people for the majority of July and August. The family had adopted a Peace Corps Volunteer, Nita was home for the summer from college, and Soli, Rudi and Khaila occupied the guest bedroom on the first floor. The kitchen was always filled with food, and there was never an empty seat at the kitchen table. Soli was still breastfeeding Khaila. I saw Khaila snack on some “big people food” every day, but Khaila was still being breastfed. Khaila grew increasingly agitated during the first month at the house, and I learned that was because Soli was trying to transition her from breastfeeding to eating solid food exclusively. My host mom explained that Soli wanted to transition Khaila from breast milk to solid food because Soli would be leaving the country to work. It took me several moments to digest the conversation with my host mom. The reason Soli wanted to transition Khaila from breast milk to solid food was the same reason as why they moved into our house: Soli was preparing to leave the country for work. As a mother and wife, she also had to prepare her family for the same fate. Furthermore, I learned that Rudi also plans to go abroad to work, leaving Khaila to live here at the house with her grandparents. Soli and Rudi moved to this house for almost three months so that Khaila could get used to seeing her grandparents more often, and her parents less. Khaila will, essentially, become my host sister. Indonesians Working Abroad: It is very common for Javanese people, especially those in rural areas, to leave their homes and families to work abroad. Indonesia is a largely agrarian-based economy, and with such high inflation and unemployment, it is difficult to earn sufficient wages here. This is why many Indonesian women choose to work as housemaids in places like Saudi Arabia, Malaysia, Hong Kong, and Taiwan. They earn better wages in those countries, and can provide long-term for their families. Since arriving in Indonesia, I have met many people who have worked abroad, or I have host family members currently working abroad. During Pre-Service Training, my host mother’s brother-in-law worked in South Korea. He has been there for five years and has one more year to go before returning home. One of my fellow Volunteer’s PST host father works in Papua (the most eastern province of Indonesia) for ten months of the year, and then lives at home with family for the other two months. My neighbor at permanent site lived in Hong Kong for three years. She travelled home in July for one month, and then returned to Hong Kong for an additional three years. My host mom Bu Hertati worked in Taiwan for nine years, visiting home for one month every three years. She left her country, culture, husband, and children for close to one full decade. The youngest daughter Nita was only two years old when Bu Hertati left for Taiwan, and then she was in her last year of elementary school when her mother returned home permanently. Bu Hertati saw her daughter for three months over the course of Nita’s first six years of school. When someone is interested in going abroad to work, he or she gets in contact with a company that organizes travel documents (visas, passports, etc.), jobs, and travel logistics. Soli applied to go abroad with a company several months ago, and she was just waiting for the call saying that she was placed with a family. She moved to her parents’ house knowing that she would be leaving soon, but could not say when. Soli is currently waiting to go to Taiwan, where she will work for a Taiwanese family. She told me that she isn’t nervous about living in another country. She had previously worked in Taiwan for three years before meeting Rudi and having Khaila. When I pieced everything together—the breastfeeding and moving into the house—a feeling of sadness consumed me for the rest of the week. It turned out that every member of my host family was working to make Khaila to feel comfortable in her mother and father’s absence. I was sad to see a family I care for go through such extreme measures to make money. Tying this story into my own experience: Many of the students I teach grew up under similar circumstances to Khaila. There are some students who currently live with their grandparents while their parents are working abroad. Indonesian law requires students to attend school through ninth grade, but not high school. For this reason, families have to pay out of pocket for their children to continue with 10th, 11th, and 12th grades. For a lot of families, especially in the area where I live, that money comes from the mothers and fathers who work abroad for higher wages, spending years apart from their families. I think about this every day throughout service. It is very common for school to cancel classes, or teachers decide not to show up to teach. Not only is this unfair to the students, but it is also unfair to the parents who spend time away from their families so that they can pay for their children to receive an adequate education. Just like Soli and Rudi’s strenuous years ahead of them, I don’t want anyone’s hard work—and time away from the people and place that they love—to be in vain. That is the motivation I need to go to school and to show up to class every day. These children deserve a good education. The parents deserve to have well-educated children. Soli’s Last night: It was Soli’s last night at the house before she left for three years. Many neighbors stopped by the house to wish her luck. Many of the Bapaks smoked cigarettes on the porch, and their wives sat in a sitting room and talked. Prayers were recited many times during the evening, and a feeling of somberness slowly spread throughout the house. My language skills still aren’t developed enough to give her the proper thank you and goodbye that she deserves. Fortunately, everyone in my host family knows that. The only words I could think to say were, “Semangat, semangat,” which means, “You can do it!” My host parents laughed when I said that, but everyone seemed to know that I was trying my best. Pak Djito explained that I could make my goodbye more meaningful by raising my arm when I said “semangat.” I listened to him, raised my arms when repeating the word. He nodded with approval, and mentioned that my arm looked very strong when I said the words. Bu Hertati said that I raised a strong arm, not a weak arm, which exemplified the sincerity of my words. Soli and her husband Rudi nodded their heads in approval. I’m glad that I could make them happy, even though I didn’t possess the ability to express profound feelings in their language. I have spent holidays away from Wisconsin in the past, but this is my first holiday season out of the country. I try to spend time every day thinking about what I am thankful for, and how I can more effectively express my gratitude for the people I love.
I made my own decision to leave the United States and to live in Indonesia. I shouldn’t act like I am deprived of my friends and family this holiday season; I need to remember that I had the luxury to make this decision on my own. It’s people like Soli, Rudi, and Khaila, however, which had less freedom to choose whether or not to be together. Maybe both Rudi and Soli could have stayed in Indonesia, and maybe would have avoided spending so much time away from their daughter; but that decision wouldn’t allow them the life that they want to provide for their daughter. When I am struggling to maintain a positive outlook, or I catch myself feeling entitled, I think about how I still have the luxury to make a decision to embark on this journey on my own. I hope that you all spend time this holiday season with loved ones in your homes and other places that are special. I know that I am very grateful for my fellow Peace Corps friends and our holiday travel plans. Most importantly, I am grateful for being able to make decisions in my life not out of necessity, but from a sense of comfort. I hope that this New Year helps me remember the privilege I have, and the awareness to distinguish that privilege from obligation.
1 Comment
|
AddisonHometown: La Crosse, WI Archives
May 2019
Categories |